We are in the middle of a major kitchen renovation at my house. My husband and I are doing the majority of the work so things are a bit chaotic (and will be for some time). Our kitchen was original to our 1970's house, and we've had our eye on remodeling it since we bought the house eight years ago. The cabinets were not only old and ugly, but literally falling apart. The linoleum (though not original) was not our taste and impossible to keep clean. In general, just very dated and shabby.
So it was with great joy that we began on demolition day. My husband and I gleefully took a sledgehammer to the first cabinet. We ripped up the flooring and tossed it aside - happy day!! We talked and talked about how great it was to finally be getting rid of this junk. We were so involved in our project that we didn't even notice the two little sets of eyes scrutinizing our every move.
It seems my 11 and 8 year old were not quite as happy as we were to be trashing our kitchen. In fact, several days into the demolition, my daughter started sobbing and claiming that we didn't care about their feelings at all. What? Where was this coming from? That old kitchen was awful!! Who would want it?
Well, as it turns out, my kids wanted it. Actually, they didn't so much want the kitchen (exactly as it stood) as much as they did not want us to be happily destroying a major part of the house that provided them with comfort and security. It was symbolic to them and they suddenly felt like their little, safe world was falling to pieces - and we were the ones destroying it - with joy. Oops!
I'm happy to say we talked it through and explained that the comfort and security of their home comes from the people in it - not the structure itself. I know they knew that all along, but it took a fair bit of comforting to have them come around to the idea of a new kitchen.
The lesson in this, for me, was far greater than it first appeared. When we judge, disparage, or criticize something in front of others, we run the risk of hurting them by putting down something important to them. It may be trivial to us, but you just don't know what experiences others have had. We may have no idea we're doing it - I didn't, but in the future I will try to be more conscious of the feelings of others around me.
Betsy McGuire invites you to visit http://www.chickpeawellness.com/ and sign up to receive her mind, body, and spirit blog the day entries are made. You can also "like" Chickpea Wellness on Facebook and receive new articles on your wall.
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